If you could go back to a moment in your past, would you?

On the first day of school, regardless of what grade you’re in, there is always an unspoken awkwardness among students. Everyone knows this, including teachers, which is why the first day is usually spent going over syllabi and doing ice-breakers. In my humble opinion, the most popular, yet controversial, ice-breaker question is, “if you could have any superpower, what would it be?” The majority of kids will say one of three answers: the power to have all the powers, the power to fly, or the power to time travel. The first two are silly, sure I would love to have them, but I don’t know if they are my first choice of super-power. The last one, however, I don’t think someone could pay me to want that.

I never want to experience the same moment twice. Unlike some, the idea of getting older brings me peace. While I do enjoy reminiscing about my childhood (as if it's not over), I am at peace with where I am in each moment of every day (or so I try to be). If I were to go back to a time when I was particularly "happy", I would have to re-experience the things leading me back up to today’s reality. Not to say anything in my life has been especially terrible, but there have been obstacles and I can say with certainty I only want to move forward. 

The problem with this philosophy of never wanting to go back in time undoubtedly signifies the fact that you are rapidly approaching death. With each waking moment, I am on a ticking clock that only seems to tick louder and louder. The naked truth: death is a scary word. The enigma of the afterlife leaves us, humans, forever wondering, should we be afraid of the future? For me, I know whatever is out there, whether that be an unfathomable void of black nothingness or a paradise in the sky with fruitful gardens and vineyards, I cannot change it. Thus, I am at peace. 

My parents got divorced when I was 7. While I don’t remember much, I do remember seeing my first therapist, Nick. The first sessions I spent learning to understand that whether my parents were together or apart, they would love me just as much and we would always be a family. I didn’t have a hard time with these concepts, or with the divorce at all for that matter, I was just glad they were happier after separating. 

My only problem came when my dad moved into his own apartment and refused to let me bring my dog, Bobee, with me. I had slept with Bobee every night of my life since I was born, so sleeping without her was scary for me. I cried to Nick and explained how unfair it was; that’s when he told me, “why waste your time worrying about the things you can’t control when you could worry about the things you CAN?”. This made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a while; I felt in control, and as a seven-year-old, that’s all you could ever want. I went home with the biggest smile on my face and asked my dad to buy me a stuffed animal that looked like Bobee so that I could sleep at his house. He agreed and I finally understood why it was so crucial to not worry about the things beyond my control.

I am thrilled about all the things in store for my future. To clarify, I am not one of those people that are excited “to finally be happy after I accomplish…” (i.e college, marriage, etc.) but merely excited to see each new day and what is to come for me. If I could have any superpower, I would wish to be present in each and everyday day I spend on this earth.


Comments

  1. Lorenzo PantanoSeptember 3, 2021 at 7:42 AM

    This is a very good essay! The way that you tie in your answer of "no" with the idea of controlling (or not controlling) things in your life is pretty remarkable. However, I thought that it was kind of weird how you switched from a to a formal tone in the third paragraph, and then back to a conversational tone in the fourth ("Thus, I am at peace", for example). I think it's a good paragraph to include, but maybe change the wording so it doesn't feel like I'm reading some 17th century philosopher. Other than that, good job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Emily C.September 4, 2021 at 8:03 PM

    Stella, this is fantastic. You included almost everything Lopate said a good personal essay should, from slowly revealing details of your life to presenting both past and present perspectives to relating to human traits. In particular, the authenticity of your writing stood out to me; I felt like I was seeing the world through your eyes for the duration of these few hundred words. By describing your parents' divorce that occurred when you were young, your meetings with your therapist, and missing Bobee, you show us a really vulnerable part of your life and get readers rooting for you. I also loved how you tied the prompt to the question of choosing a superpower and opened your essay with it, which later gave the end a satisfying sense of closure.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Navid TajkhorshidSeptember 21, 2021 at 12:33 PM

    I really enjoyed reading this essay, especially the second half. When you talk about your therapist and feeling in control, I could feel your emotion while still hearing your conversational tone. I would suggest reworking the third paragraph. It has interesting ideas, but the tone seems disjunct from the rest of the essay. The final paragraph of the essay was excellent, though. It felt like a good conclusion to the emotional journey you wrote about.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Critically reflect on the 17 steps of the hero's journey:

While the hero’s journey may be the simplest way to project character growth and has the clearest story structure, I would argue that the hero’s journey doesn’t necessarily make the most compelling stories. In a sense, it’s so recognizable that it makes every story you read predictable even if the plot and events are new, creative, and thrilling. Ultimately you still know the ending. The hero’s journey is very specific to one narrative and doesn’t leave room for different types of protagonists or plot lines. For example, a hero’s journey leaves no room to learn about the villain, observer, sidekick, etc. I was reading people’s comments on a website about this topic and someone said something that I found particularly insightful. They said, “it reduces the world to simple binaries: good and evil, victory and failure. If all stories followed the hero’s journey writers wouldn’t be able to express a nuanced perspective of the world.” Another thing that I find interesting about the hero’s j...
Read more

How Often Do You Leave Your Comfort Zone?

  I leave my comfort zone every morning when I take the cat litter out. It is by far the most revolting thing I have ever done. We have an evil cat who likes to flip the litter over just for the fun of it, a fat three-legged cat who hasn’t quite mastered his aim, and two kittens that prefer using the litter box as a play pin. I also have a dog who thinks the kitty litter is an all-you-can-eat buffet. Yes, the litter box has become quite the party location. My parents are clean freaks and want this done three times a day, and I happen to need extra money to support my Starbucks addiction. Thus, I agreed to be the designated cat shit box attendee. I am sure that changing the kitty litter would fall outside nearly everyone’s comfort zone. You would think I’d get used to it by now, right? Not at all. Never gets less disgusting. Beyond picking up feces, my comfort zone is rather expansive.  In junior high, I used to come home complaining to my mom daily about how boring school wa...
Read more

Have You Ever Taken Something You Weren't Supposed To?

The other day I accidentally walked out of a store wearing the shirt I tried on and didn’t pay for. I only realized after I got home but I went back later and paid for it. I’m sure we have all done something similar. I have left stores numerous times after forgetting to pay (which is pretty stupid actually) but I always go back and pay. There are countless things I have taken without realizing it. But the question entails, what have I purposefully taken? In that case… It all began when I was in the first grade…Mrs. Henry’s class (cue dreamy harp music and transitioning ripples across your imaginary TV screen).   We were practicing counting. Our task was to take an empty paper towel roll and tape sheets of paper to it that we wrote numbers on. That way when you unrolled your “paper towels” this huge roll of numbered paper would unroll. Ultimately, the bigger the fake paper towel roll, the more numbers you managed to write down. Grace Delancy. She was the smartest girl in the ...
Read more